Hygiene is your friend. Wash up, homie…

This post is inspired by some tweets from my longtime friend, @Remixznflow82, from Tuesday. They read as thus:

From the sound of it, someone woke up with the intent of burning the homie’s eyebrows off. Kinda shady. Apparently, bad hygiene is still a problem here in these United States in 2012. It doesn’t appear to be going anywhere. It’s unfortunate, but it’s true.

There’s nothing worse than being trapped in a closed space with someone who smells like they want to be alone. It sneaks up on you. One minute you’re on an elevator alone enjoying thoughts about how much you can’t wait to read tomorrow’s post on ThaWell, the next minute your concentration has been demolished by the guy who just joined you on the elevator because he smells like yesterday. Not good.

Here’s the thing. You know if you stink. I refuse to believe you can’t tell, but if you honestly can’t, here are a couple of clues:

1. Every time you open your mouth, leaves turn brown and fall off trees, and hordes of flies appear from everywhere. You may be so used to it that you can’t smell or taste the death that resides in your mouth, but fear not. Your problem can be fixed. Whether it be through 2 or 3 straight tubes of the most powerful Colgate available, gargling a large vat of Listerine, or a visit to a doctor for some kind of medication. Whatever the fix may be, find it and use it. Earth and all its lifeforms will thank you.

2. Lifting your arms usually results in the death of some creatures with heightened smell–like puppies. Let’s be real. It’s not normal for animals to die due to intense, concentrated funk. You may not smell it, but the animals do. Other people do. Do something about that. Because right now, PETA hates you.

The moral of the story is bathe. Wash your hands when you’re leaving the restroom. Brush your teeth, as well as the rest of your mouth. It’s important. Chicks don’t dig guys who smell like “all day body”. Guys don’t dig girls who smell like they’re made of sugar, spice, and hot, molten garbage. So if you don’t like being alone all the time, stop telling people otherwise with your scent. Wash up, homie.

Until next time…

-Erik (@WalkSays)

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Erik Walker

Erik is black.

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