I’m a hater
I’m pretty sure I’m a hater. I didn’t realize it until recently. I spent last week on a work trip to the middle of nowhere, Illinois, which meant I had a rental car, which meant I didn’t have my car/iPod, which meant I had to listen to the radio, which I don’t do often.
They have a decent “urban” radio station out there in nowhere that I listened to every day. It has it’s flaws (like advertising some upcoming party where people are supposed to where bracelets whose colors correspond to the wearer’s Facebook status: green for “single”, yellow for “it’s complicated”, red for “in a relationship”… No joke), but it did the trick for the week. After the first couple days, I began to realize that I had heard Nicki Minaj say “I Beez in the Trap” about 120 too many times and the sound of Drake’s voice almost made me rip the stereo out of the dash… But I knew those things about myself already. There’s no secret that Drake scores near perfect on my awful-o-meter. The revelation came one morning when I heard “Mercy” by Kanye, who likes himself so much that I don’t have to. I gave no thought to Kanye’s skill, the fact that he’s one of the best, or that his first album was really good. Then I heard a song by Ne-yo, and all I could think about was his Ninja Turtle-shaped head and how it bothers me. I gave no thought to his talent as a musician and song writer–dude has skills. Then the DJ alluded to a song by Trey Songz being the next song in the rotation right after the commercial. I gave absolutely no thought to… well, never mind. Trey Songz is horrible. He does a great impersonation of a dying goat singing a love ballad though, so… there’s that.
That’s when I realized that I’m a hater. I don’t give a lot of these artists a chance despite their talent. I’m inclined to dislike most of them just because I disagree with what many of them promote and stand for. Fact is that some of them are really good. Do I feel bad that I’m a hater? Nope. Can I find a way to appreciate the art? Most times I can, especially if it really is good (which excludes everyone on this list). Do I plan on relinquishing my hater-dom? Nope. I’m a career hater. A lifer. I know my role, and I play it well. I’m a G to this.
So when R. Kelly comes out with another hit to make most of the world forget that he likes to pee on little girls, I stand alone as one of the few that remembers. And when
the woman beater Chris Brown gets on stage at an award show and thanks the haters for motivating him, I know that he’s talking about me. When Trey Songz shouts out his haters for pushing him to make “music” that makes my ears bleed; I stand, raise my hand, and take a bow. When Lil’ Wayne decides once again to let his daughter finger paint his lower body with black and white spots and pass them off as pants while accepting an award for the year’s best useless artist and acknowledges his haters, I initiate a slow clap for myself by myself and fight back happy tears.
*Stands and takes a deep breath* Hi, my name is Erik… and I am a hater.
Until next time…