Lies Trey Songz Told Me (Not Including The One About Actually Being Able To Sing)

Currently being lied to by R&B music…and his barber

Cole Brown, the pastor of Emmaus Church in Portland, Oregon just came out with a new book called “Lies Hip Hop Told Me” which is the sequel to a book he wrote a few years ago called “Lies My Pastor Told Me.” Brown, writes about a few of the ways in which rappers and the overall culture of hip hop have lied to its consumers. With titles like “Only God Can Judge Me,” “Christianity is the White Man’s Religion,” and “Bi**hes Ain’t S**t,” the Bobby Brown loving pastor directly addresses some fundamental tenets of hip hop. You can get the book at and you can check out a snippet here. The audio book is dope, featuring production from some of the dopest producers in the the Great Northwest (before you laugh, I guarantee those tracks are a lot more hip hop than whatever house-inspired song is currently playing on on Clear Channel) and is one of the few audiobooks I have that I can listen to multiple times.

Well, I’ll let you read how hip hop has lied to not only those who consume, but also those who produce, on your own, but now, right here, I’m gonna tell you that it aint just pastors and hip hop. R&B tells you lies too.

I’m not gonna lie. I love hip hop. De La Soul, Lupe, A Tribe Called Quest, NAS, Phonte, and Ahmad are all folks that I listened to. I ingested them to feel a bodily need. Growing up, I craved witty lyrics and dusty samples as much as I craved Cheerios Toasted Oats in the morning. BUT, i also grew up in a home where if it wasnt John P. Kee, Commissioned or Fred Hammond, it wasnt getting played. So there was a very extreme music dichotomy for me growing up. While I couldnt openly listen to hip hop unless it was GRAPETREE RECORDS (It was then when I questioned if my Mom truly loved me) somehow R&B was fairly within limits. I remember being asked to perform “My Prerogative” for family and friends at my mothers request threats.

R&B was considered innocuous in my house and I’m sure the same can be said of many households. Matter of fact, as you read this there is a 1 in 3 chance that you are within 5 feet of a large black woman who will cut you dead if you ever say anything about Luther Vandross. And she’ll confess in court like Samuel Jackson in “A Time To Kill.” (Come back next week when I do a top 12,000 list of scenes where Samuel L. Jackson screams) But in reality, R&B aint innocuous. Especially the rap-R&B-techno-club variety that is so popular these days. I say that without even mentioning Brian McKnight who has clearly suffered some recent undiagnosed head trauma.

Ok, while I don’t have enough to write a whole book like Pastor Brown (great twitter follower @ColeBrownPDX) I will list a couple of the many ways s in which mainstream R&B is lying to us these days.

When your partner doesn’t affirm your every need, move on

This is a very common theme in R&B. How many songs have been written where a lover moves on because their partner doesn’t tell him she loves him, bring her flowers, or come to his rec league basketball games? Countless. On the surface the emotion seems reasonable and to some extent ingrained in our basic human needs, but if we delve deeper we begin to see how selfish unfair and absurd this is. Yes, we all want love. We all want to be with someone who loves us and accepts us, however, we will never be with someone who loves us and accepts EVERYTHING we  do.  With anything life there are going to be things you like, things you love, and things that make you want to People’s Elbow a 5 year old at his pre-K graduation. If we keep moving on and moving on, eventually we will run out of people to date or marry because umm everybody is going to have a flaw. Yes, dating is the place for determining what you want or don’t want in a partner, you still have to do so with the understanding that he might have to be told several hundred times which girl in the pictures you showing him on Facebook is your Line Sister and she might not want to watch you play 2K for two hours.

We are all broken and flawed. Having your 100% of your happiness dependent upon another broken person is silly. There will be flashes of perfection from a partner, but just as quick as that flash of perfection appears, that same partner is gonna do something will hurt you deep. Knowing that how silly does it seem to move from the next one to the next one.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that you can find anyone person can make it with any other person, but just know that he/she aint always gonna do everything you like. If you have to move on (single folk) make sure it’s for a fundamental reason and not just one based on emotion.

Any problem can be solved with sex.

According to R&B these days errything can be solved through copulation. Maybe it’s lazy songwriting or maybe this is how folks really think, but any problem can be remedied by her “moving her body” or him”putting in work.” Sex is great. It’s something God created as a conduit to intimately understand the way he loves his people. He also created it for married folk. But my issue isn’t the fact that these songs are promoting sex between non-married folk. Nah, B. My problem is the pressure it places on sex. Emotional and psychological problems within a relationship (marriage hopefully) more than likely won’t be solved with a physical act. Yeah, that jawn feels good, but when you’re done unless y’all were having a conversation during you still gone be hurt that she doesn’t feel like you’re providing enough for the family.

These days we use sex as a magical cure-all. All the worlds problem can be solved by getting naked. Personally, if sex could solved all my relationship issues, I would question just what kind of relationship I was in in the first place. Talking and counsel solves problems and sex is going to be a physical manifestation of those problems being solved.

Anyway, those are just a couple ways I think R&B has lied to us. What are your thoughts?




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I'm a thirty year old man who likes Medicine For Melancholy.

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