More thoughts on the LDOC

A couple weeks ago, Chris ranted on discussed the LDOC. For those of you that haven’t read it and are too lazy to click the link to it (even though it’s right there… and here… and even here), the LDOC stands for the Long, Drawn out Conversation. Stop being a bum, and go read his post. I’ll meet up with you in about 5…

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The truth is, ladies, that you will never find a good time to have an LDOC with your man. We know that you don’t see it as an LDOC. To you, it’s just talking. To us, well at least to me, it’s like… awful. Every time you start a sentence with “we need to talk” or “can we talk about something”, you’re going to lose him. Those words set off an alarm. We set up defenses; we put our guard up. It’s not that we hate conversing with you in general (if that’s true, then this relationship is probably no good), it’s that those words are all bad.

I’m not saying that LDOCs are wrong. I’m just saying that we HATE them with the burning heat of a thousand suns. Honestly, we realize that sometimes they’re necessary. Say the two of you are kinda vibing, but things are moving a little too fast or too slow. An LDOC is necessary. Or say you really want to watch Rayneishettia face Quinderella in a “girl, no you didn’t” match on Real Inmates of Cell Block A, and he wants to watch real TV (which would be almost anything else), an LDOC will probably happen. The problem is that “necessary” does not equal a good time. Timing is the issue. Here’s a very general example of how it could go down:

The guy does something stupid, or something else happens to make the woman upset. As time progresses (depending on how well the guy knows her and can read her), the guy realizes that she’s bummed about something. She’s less talkative. She seems distant. She’s no longer laughing at his corny jokes. She’s showing her displeasure, but not talking about it. When the guy asks what’s bothering her, she responds with a deep sigh, says “nothing”, then looks down and away. “You sure?” he asks. “I’m fine,” she replies. He leaves it alone.

Thirty-leven days later, she’s over at his house or they’re out doing something he wanted to do, and she says, “Hey… We need to talk.”

What just happened here? I’ll explain it to you in the bluntest way possible. He noticed something was wrong. He invited her to talk about it, meaning that the moment was opportune… for him, anyway. Get it out. Get it done. Move on. Instead, she said nothing was wrong. He knew that wasn’t true, but there was no use so he gave up. So at the time he was ready to talk, she wasn’t, so no talking was done. Then when she finally did feel like talking, she came outta nowhere with it and hijacked his good time! He didn’t feel like talking at the moment, but she did, so please believe some talking was going to go down. Not only is it talking when he doesn’t feel like it, but it’s a freakin looooong drawn out conversation. Why, why must she do these things?!

That, in a nutshell, is why we hate these things. Obviously, there are plenty of other reasons we hate them, but the amount of server space we are allotted for this here blog is only so much… Just know that if you’re going to initiate an LDOC with your man (and you will), timing is everything. If it’s 13 seconds left in the 4th quarter of a tie game, it’s probably not a good idea to start. Give him his time. THEN ruin his day.

I’ve joked a lot here (I hope you can tell that I’m rarely too serious by my writing), but seriously, give him a warning. If you’ve had to take time to gather your thoughts and feelings, let him know that’s what you’re doing; give him that same luxury. Things in relationships absolutely have to be talked out; I think we all get that. But we have to be adults about it. Listen to her say her piece, listen to him say his piece, and learn to see each other’s perspective. That way we can get these friggin things over with.

I don’t really know all the answers. If I did, I’m not sure I’d just give them joints away free like that. Matter fact, someone should write a book about stuff like this. He could overgeneralize all men into fitting into a few categories and pass off common sense like it’s the wisest crap anyone’s ever said in the history of humans speaking words. Then, he could spin it off and make a movie off the book. He’d make a killing! He could give it some ridiculously asinine title that made it sound like dudes are attracted to women who think like dudes… Hmmm… I’mma get on that.

Until next time…

-Erik (@WalkSays)

About Author

Erik Walker

Erik is black.

5 Comments

    • My friends call me Johnnie...
      July 19, 2012

      The last paragraph — genius.

      But yeah, no man enjoys the LDOC. What sucks is they can/do kind of happen daily. It’s just a part of relationships guys have learned to accept. The only way out of it is to be a “Single Jerk” (or an SJ).

      Being an SJ takes serious commitment.

      It not only means that you’d have to first NOT be in a relationship (– ever, covering the “Single” part), but it also means that you’d have to tell every woman you know…

      Who comes to you with anything…

      That you just don’t care in most instances (the “Jerk” part).

      Such an option is not for the weak of heart, and guarantees that you will live a lonely miserable life without quality conversation or companionship from (most of) the opposite sex. Every man faces this choice at some point in his life – and typically just chooses to take the LDOC… a necessary evil.

      Reply
      • Chris
        July 19, 2012

        The older I get, the more willing I am to be a jerk. Still need a push though. I’m waiting for my collateral moment.
        I grew up with just my mom and sisters so I sat through approximately 1 billion hours of LDOC’s. I thought I was immune, but during one at dinner a few months ago I seriously considered purposely slicing my finger so she.would have to stop talking and take me to the ER.
        Think about that. I, a guitar player, was willing to lose a digit and the ability to ever play guitar again so she would shut up.

        Reply
    • Kristy Nicole
      July 24, 2012

      I thoroughly enjoy a LDOC. It cleanses the soul and frees the spirit. The next time I have one, I will remember to remove all sharp objects in the vicinity so that he is held hostage, err, I mean, not distracated and gives me all of his undivided attention. Hmmm..maybe I should schedule this for 2013 NBA playoffs, game 7 during the 4th quarter. Yep.

      Reply
      • Erik
        July 24, 2012

        LOL!!! What a dirty, dirty scheme. Smh… I’ll pray for him.

        Reply
    • Deelo
      August 1, 2012

      As a female I thought this was hilarious. We really don’t mean to spring it on you at inopportune moments as the author insists, but it usually bubbles inside until it erupts. Either way, I’m not a fan of LDOC either. If I have an issue I usually say it right away, even with 14 sec left in the 4th quarter of a tied game ;). Overall, great article.

      Reply

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