Move It Along, You Buster

I haven’t always been the suave and debonair man you never get to see in the dreams I have. Oh yes, there was a point when I had trouble expressing my interest in a woman. But there was a time when all the stars aligned and I knew that God Shamgod was somewhere smiling on me, because I was about to step to Mia.

See, when I was in high school I was a pharmacy technician. I got to distribute medications, and see which one of my high school classmate’s fathers needed a certain blue pill. Well if that wasn’t a big enough perk, besides not having to work food service, I was also surrounded by some beautiful woman. I guess being a pharmacy tech is generally a woman’s job, but nonetheless, I was hired. Occasionally, I was able to work with a future news anchor, but at the time struggling college student, Mia. I volunteered every shift I knew she was going to work on. Mia and I just had this uncanny connection. She would tell me things she enjoyed and instantly I would love those same things. She would be thirsty and suddenly I would accidently purchase two sodas. It was, umm, fate.

One particular Saturday I agreed to work the early shift with the weekend pharmacist. I needed the extra $24 I would make by working the 4 hours (slightly less than the $27 I would make for working 4 hours now) for sports equipment snack cakes. Well, Mia decided she needed some money too for whatever intelligent and beautiful women need money for, so she came in to work as well. If you’ve been to a pharmacy during the day on a Saturday, its not busy at all. So, we had time to talk, dope. Eventually, we or just I got hungry (which was always back then) and I decided to walk to the grocery store to pick up lunch. I grabbed two microwave dinners and when I returned to the pharmacy Mia mentioned that she was hungry too. I offered one of my TV dinners to her as if I totally bought it for her and wasn’t going to eat both of them simultaneously for lunch (surprise: I totally was going to). She accepted, and we continued our conversation. At this point, we went together. Who cares she was 4 years earlier and was a college woman, she accepted my food and my conversation, that meant we were practically engaged.

Soon, we started discussing relationships. She asked me if I had a girlfriend. Clearly, I thought this was strange, because did she not just accept my marriage proposal? I played along and answered that I did not and winked.
She asked me if something was wrong with my eye.
Then she said it would happen, that I was a nice boy. In fact, I reminded her of her much taller, older, and eventually more successful fiancé.

Umm, whet?

Yeah, she was engaged to the man she is now married to if Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, Snapchat,, and Yahoo Geocities are to be believed. Good for her. Good for him.
Not good for me. Except it was. You see, that day I learned how to be rejected by a woman. This was a momentous occasion for me considering I had grown up with some fairly #unsufficientdaddying. I learned to accept the fact that this woman (and I. Mean. Woman!) did not want to maximize her life by allowing me the opportunity lavish her with moderately priced dinners and opulent stay-cations. I accepted her rejection, not by lashing out, but by keeping it moving … to the bathroom to take care of some sudden allergies.

Sadly, a lot of boys/men haven’t learned this. Last week, my wonderful girlfriend (Ha Ha MIA!) sent an article of some little Harry Potter buster harassing a young lady who rebuffed his super lame attempts to approach her. When she rejected him, he pulled out all the big guns. He claimed he was only trying to brighten her day and offer her a job to advance her career. He even mentioned that he was a feminist and had done more for women than she probably ever had, all while threatening to sue an actual woman for actually using his actual words against him, actually.
You know why he was so upset?

Because he, like most men, think they own women. It’s that simple. That may sound harsh, but how else do you explain someone being upset for someone ELSE not doing what they want? Men feel entitled for a woman to receive our attention, our advances. A lot of us think that a woman should just do whatever we want, because we want, regardless of what they want. This is not only stupid, this is dangerous. When someone feels they are entitled to something someone else has, they may do whatever they want to get it.
Doing whatever you have to get something works well if you’re Liam Neeson and your daughter has been taken for the 209355049th time, but that’s generally the ONLY time that is ever reasonable.

Look at me man. Look at me.


A woman will let a man know when she is interested because she has these new inventions called brains and mouths. If she is interested she will use this mouth structure to say words like, “Sure, we here is my phone number.” If she is not interested she will also use that mouth structure to say other words like, “No.” If she says the later just move on.

Its okay.

It’s not about women not being nice or kind. It isn’t about your “I’m a good/nice guy” persecution complex. Sometimes, this is crazy, a woman just isn’t interested in you. Women are fully formed human beings with thoughts, reasons, and super human pain tolerance. (Seriously, women are always in pain. Have you heard of cramps? Women go through those monthly. I once had a cramp and was ready to fill out a last will and testament.)

I guess here is where i could mention that all women that reply to interested men in a rude way and excoriate them for their behavior, but I wont. I may be wrong, but Im certain the average women gets approached 86 times a day.  That has to be draining. Mix in the fact that some guys don’t get the picture like Harry Potter fan in the linked article and you can forgive some eye rolls and “leave me alone’s.”

Its not up to women to change their behavior, its up to men. We gotta start teaching more boys (who eventually should become men) that they aren’t the end goal of all women.  Rejection sucks, yeah. But so does being afraid that you can’t even decline a guy’s offer without an attack. Harry Potter fan’s response was luckily (for her) confined to cyberspace. What about all the women on the street who are approached? That has to be terrifying. And you know what?

We (men) try to frame it as if we’re doing some good and public service by offering our attention. How arrogant is that? Even so much that we tell a stranger to smile and feel victimized if they decline. Thats beyond wack. This has to change. We have to start teaching boys/men respect towards women. This isn’t just holding doors or offering seats on a train, it also means walking away if she says she isnt interested. Just keeping it moving is a very simple simple concept that can go a long way



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I'm a thirty year old man who likes Medicine For Melancholy.

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