#NewYearNewMe

The confetti has been swept up, novelty glasses trashed, and outrageous Uber bills paid. Yes, we have made it to a new year. Everyone who is still with us should take a bow like Mrs. Powers, we’ve rewritten history again. Fair Eastside.

As you can probably tell, I love the beginning of the year. There are so many things to be excited about. This is the time of year for do overs, we all get green flags to restart our lives. This is the year you finally impress your crazy boss. This is the year you finally impress your crazy girlfriend, boyfriend side piece. This is the year you finally get things together. Why would anyone not like this time of the year? I didn’t even mention a lot of you folks about to make it rain when that W2 hits the mailbox. Again, I love the beginning of the year.

But to be fair, I also hate the beginning of the year.

Why?

Because the new year also means soon enough we’ll all have to experience the most annoying thing known to mankind…girl scouts. I cannot stand these little girls peddling their destructive product in my community. I cannot stand how they get to post up in front of CVS and guilt folks who just wanted to drastically overspend for some condo cold medicine without being hassled into buying delicious cookies. Go get real jobs, losers.

There are already approximately 93 billion varieties of cookie/cakes/pie or other baked good on the market. We don’t need what you have. We especially don’t need adorable little 4 year olds trying to help out their big sisters. Go learn to read little girl and then get a job.

Also, I’ll take 18 boxes of thin mints. It’s the new year, I’m on a diet.

About Author

Chris

I'm a thirty year old man who likes Medicine For Melancholy.

1 Comment

    • ruth jeremiah
      January 8, 2015

      I always wondered why these cookies are so popular, they’re just ok to me. Great marketing tools though, adorable kids will get people to buy just about anything

      Reply

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