No Mall Proposals Outchea

I graduated from college eight years ago. In all that time I’ve have not proposed to a woman. I have not dated a woman long enough to even consider saving the three weeks (or is it days?) salary to buy a ring. I could chalk it up to me just being weird and all, but I look around at all my homeboys and I dont see none of them jokers marrying either.

Yeah, I know folks who have gotten married after we all graduated college. But they were already dating their future wives before graduation. So whats the deal? Why aren’t folks outchea going to malls to get engaged? Countless articles are saying that us millennials are marrying later and later. But it’s one thing for me to read an article and another thing for me to look at my own life.

I can say I’ve pinpointed a couple different reasons why I’m not close to being married, eventhough I’d like to be. Think about it…who doesn’t want love and affection. Who doesn’t want the to know that someone will always be there when things go rough? Who doesn’t want to know that they get a chance to leave a legacy? Most importantly, who doesn’t want somebody else to go half on them bills?


Nevertheless here are a few reasons why I know I’m not married or close.

Sallie Mae

This chick right here is aaaaaawful. I was one of millions of suckers who bought into the American dream college lie. How can a man date a woman with this other lady taking all his funds? Look, college was a glorious time and I had many wonderful experiences and all that jazz, but if I had a flux capacitor and could go back in time a brother would have either said no or gotten good at something enough to get a scholarship.


A brother be putting in some hours. Being a salaried employee is the devil. I leave my home at 6 a.m. everyday and don’t get to walk into my door until 8 p.m. that evening. That doesnt leave a lot of time for extra curricular activities, including dating. Yeah, I could do those night time dates, but a brother is trying to live somewhat righteously, yanno?


I’ve talked about this before but the older you get the far fewer APTS there are. When you spend all your time at work, it severely limits the amount of time there is to find a little honey dip. Online dating helps, but things are a lot harder to happen organically online. Online dating seems forced, because it is by definition. Other than online dating, finding someone to go to a store in the mall for is much more dependent on serendipity.

Those are my reasons. I may be missing something else, but I gotta check my okcupid account.


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I'm a thirty year old man who likes Medicine For Melancholy.

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