Quick observations from a wedding

Being the gangsta that I am, I usually run with a crew. The cast of characters in my crew have changed over the years depending on where I am in life metaphorically and physically, but I’ve usually always managed to get a few other folks to engage in nefarious, diabolical and otherwise gangsta activities with me. In college I had a couple of these crews. The first was comprised of a few homies, three of which write for this very internet website you are currently reading at the Apple store because your internet bandwith was throttled because you kept torrenting episodes of Sweet Valley High (like me). We stayed in the Uhuru House, which is African for “freaking expensive.” We used to hang out in the common area and play Risk because gangstas love world domination, son! We used to go to the all-you-can-eat cafeteria because gangstas love eating their own body weight in chicken nuggets. We also used to go to the gym and straight BEAST cats on the basketball courts.


I also had another crew in college. This crew was comprised of a white girl, a Mexican (and black) girl and a gay Mexican guy. It was, admittedly, less gangsta. I mean, I guess I couldn’t be thug-plotting © all day right. So with this crew we used to get together and make nachos every week. I enjoyed those folks then and we’ve all kept in touch since college too. We don’t hang out as much as we used to, but we still get together on special occasions, namely birthdays and weddings. And that’s what happened this weekend.

The white girl got married yall.

I’m happy for my friend and enjoyed myself at her wedding and reception and I thought I’d share a couple observations and happenings from her special day.

Spot The Negro

I love going to non-black folk weddings so I can see where they place the black people in the wedding. My friend doesn’t have racist tendencies, like at all. She was in the gospel choir and she drives an Impala. I can’t confirm this, but I think I may have seen her buy a pack of Kool’s one day. Racist, she aint, but it still was fun to see where the black guy and black girl were placed in the wedding. Her and her new husband did have them in their wedding party, but homeboy was placed so far in the back, Rosa Parks did a pirouette in her grave.

Don’t get me wrong it wasn’t a racial thing, Obama is president remember? They just had every one of the guys stand according to their height and naturally due to systematic racism that universally left black parents unable to purchase nutrient dense foods, homeboy was short and had to stand in the back.

Allow Me To Reintroduce Myself…

By Saturday, I had been friends with the bride for at least 7 or 8 years. I’ve been to her house, ridden in her cars and met her parents…Several times. However, I had to introduce myself to her father Friday night. We talked about how I knew his daughter and how dear of a friend she is to me. We talked about OSU and I mentioned that I had even been to his lovely home for one of her pool parties. He apologized for not remembering me, but in his defense I can now grow a beard which makes me unrecognizable to anyone who hasn’t seent me in a few. I told him it was alright and we went on our merry way for the rest of the event we were at.


-Chris (@tha_abstrakt)

(Yeah, I know Erik’s name is on the post, but this is Chris)

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I'm a thirty year old man who likes Medicine For Melancholy.

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