Skinny Legs

The worst part of finding (or being found by) the love of your life is skinny calves.

Seriously, that’s the worst part.

You work out daily, weekly, monthly, whenever you have absolutely nothing else in the world to do on the entire flat earth, and still have nothing but the skinniest of calves to show for it. That is the worst part about love and marriage.

See, most people would generally classify falling in love as a momentous and joyous occasion in life. Marriage is the pinnacle, aside the from death, the penultimate event in life. Those people are not wrong per se, but I would argue that they aren’t being totally truthful with how unnerving love can really be.

The tragic thing about love and a marriage done correctly is that it opens you up to revealing the things that you are most self-conscious and vulnerable about. I guess for me, that would be skinny calves (but there are several others). See, I work hard in the gym and no matter how many calf raises, jump squats, box jumps, and stretches I do, I have the calves of a malnourished toddler. This in turn cause all kinds of Achilles pain. The pain is one thing, but the aesthetics of having non-muscular calves while everything else has some muscle leads one to forsake shorts for an entire year. It just looks weird.

I had my skinny legs out of my mind for the most part until I met the fine doctor-nurse (FDN). We met in the winter and for the longest I didn’t even think about my legs. I didn’t need to–I wasn’t wearing shorts. Well that changed when she decided to join me for a competition where I would have to dress in shorts. I had forgotten all about it until I remembered that she hadn’t seen my weak legs. She had seen all the best of me, my muscular arms, glorious beard, and magnetic smile; but I was afraid that she’d feel some type of way because my toothpick legs.

Long story short, she aint care.

But it was a big deal for me. The consternation and thought I devoted to revealing my fears was real. But the thing is, I’ve had to do that over and over…

And over

And over

And over again during our relationship.

Really it doesn’t seem like it ever stops. It rarely feels good to think about things you don’t like. But there’s an obligation to when you fall in love. If you see a future with this person, they’re eventually going to find out what makes you tic (Pun definitely intended). Letting down your guard (and mutual affection for Russell Westbrook) is where love truly happens and deepens. Its easy to fall in love with the great stuff. But that love is superficial and won’t last. Frankly, it’s pretty boring too, because why would you want to build a life with someone and you don’t know everything about them?

Not me.

So, yes skinny calves is the worst thing about falling in love.

But it’s also kind of the best thing.

-Chris (@thaAbstrakt)

About Author


I'm a thirty year old man who likes Medicine For Melancholy.

Leave a Comment