So Lance Armstrong used drugs? Awesome.

Tonight is the big night. Part One of Lance Armstrong’s interview with Oprah (of all people) where he admits he used performance enhancing drugs… Please excuse me while I express my excitment.

Honestly, was this that big of a shocker to anyone? This dude beat testicular cancer (losing a ball in the process), then went on to annihilate some of the greatest endurance athletes in the world, not once or twice, but seven straight times. It’s obvious to us now, but how else would he be able to do such incredible things if he weren’t doing some kind of steroids (which I might add, put his only remaining ball at serious risk).

I’m not sure how much money Lance was making by winning his event year after year and all his endorsements, but it must have been substantial. In terms of the average lifespan in this country, he’s not an old man. I don’t know about you, but there aren’t many sums of money short of a Bill Gates-ian amount that would have me risking to play the rest of this game called ‘life’ with one deflated ball. That’s not a worthwhile risk, bro. No thank you.

There are a couple of things that we can learn about Lance from this. On one hand we learned that he is a dedicated liar, the likes of which we may have never seen. It’s one thing to lie, it’s another thing to lie repeatedly for years in the face of eye witnesses and former friends and teammates who testify to your guilt. Unfortunately for Lance, the reward for being a great liar that gets caught is usually prison. Despite my gangsta exterior, I have never been locked up. I did, however, watch a lot of Oz back in the day, so I have first-hand knowledge that prison is bad.

The second thing we learned about Lance is that he lies because he cares a great deal about how he is viewed in the public. Think about it. Dude has been lying for years, despite the fact we all know he’s been lying. Then he finally decides to tell the truth, not in a press conference or to a news personality, but to Oprah. Why Oprah? I’ll tell you why. It’s because Oprah is the only person who owns Oprah. She’s no longer owned by the network that used to air her show everday, she owns her own network. She has complete control over what airs, when it airs, and how much of it her viewers see. As a consequence of her having total control, Lance has a taste of control in that it’s not a news network that will find a way to spin the interview to make it into something he didn’t intend. For a person who really doesn’t want to tell you anything but feels obligated, this option is really the lesser evil.

I can’t lie as well as Lance Armstrong, I’ll watch the interview. I’ll likely be less than entertained, and I’ll likely be mad that I watched it. I’ll likely have to fill the rest of the weekend with watching as much basketball and football as I can to make my TV no longer hate me for having tuned it to OWN (the Oprah Winfrey Network) for an extended period of time. Nevertheless, I’ll watch. We’ll see what happens.

Until next time…

-Erik (@WalkSays)

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Erik Walker

Erik is black.

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