ThaWell Forum 2: Relationship Dealbreakers

First off, we really wanted to call this post “ThaWell Forum 2: Relationship Dealbreakers… From a Male Point of View“. But as that last phrased rolled through our minds, we all instantly thought of this. That is ABSOLUTELY NOT what this is! …We digress.

*insert awkward transition*

This post is the second in ThaWell Forum Series. We will each be dishing out some of our biggest personal relationship dealbreakers. Please remember to direct anything you have to add or any question you may have to the comment section below… Everybody ready? …Let’s go!

Erik: Relationship dealbreakers… Hmmm… So many of these are pretty obvious. I have to be with a woman who has [realistic and attainable] goals. (I have no problem with big goals, but they have to be attainable. For me, hopping in the ring with pre-rape Mike Tyson and knocking him out with a quick two piece is a pretty big goal. But is it attainable? No… Not without a fair amount of brain damage.) I have to be with a woman that I can go to church with. If you don’t believe in God’s existence or just don’t want serve Him with your life, that’s on you–it’s your soul. But you and I won’t work. Any girl who can’t/doesn’t get along with my mom is out. We can’t get married and leave me to deal with that for the rest of my life… No thanks.

Those are just the basics though. The real dealbreakers with me start with things like cleanliness. I can’t stand a dirty house. Dirty kitchens and bathrooms are the worst. There’s just something about roaches and ants chasing after leftover crumbs that just doesn’t do it for me.

Also, I hate feet. I hate the word feet. I hate the way it makes my mouth feel when I say the word feet. So any woman that I date is going to have to do work to take care of those joints to keep me from hating them. Chill with the choice to rock sandals if your kicks look like you’re wearing kicks even if you’re not wearing kicks… Actually, go ahead and wear them. That way I can know sooner rather than later that your feet look like diseased bear claws… I digress again. I apologize for the rant. If you’re reading this post, you probably have nice feet… But I still hate them.



Chris: Dealbreakers for me have changed dramatically with my age. In college, I had a long list of ridiculous dealbreakers like she had to be in a certain major. She had to wurr her hurr a certain way. I was all over the place. In fact, I wouldn’t date a woman if she wore a fur lined hooded coat.

As far as I remember, all of my relationship dealbreakers were completely and utterly stupid. Because they were all superficial. As much as I would want say how enlightened and sensitive to what makes a true and lasting relationship was, I was completely clueless…trying to make fetch happen. Actually, I should’ve known how dumb not dating a girl because she may have once owned a Jodeci tape/cd/minidisc/ when I went on exactly two dates in college… I lied it was one true date and the other girl kind of just fell into my rule that if I buy you a $2 movie ticket at the student union, we go together.

These days I am a tad more forgiving when it comes to what I can and cannot handle. I know I’m not perfect, not even close. And to that end I’m not looking for a perfect woman, because while she does exist, she already taken. At this point in my life, I’ve gone through my adolescence and hard partying college days and I’m looking to settle down. I understand that relationships take a lot of work from two people for a greater good and that is infinitely more difficult if she hates the way I tie my shoes and I punch an overweight baby because she walks around on her heels. I LIVE IN AN UPSTAIRS APARTMENT!

Having said all…all…alllluauall…all that there are two dealbreakers that die hard. Or harder. Pause?

1. She doesnt have a sense of humor

I like to think of myself as a fairly funny dude. I like to make a lot of jokes and keep the mood light at nearly all times. Aside from completely unfunny times like court, job interviews, and Mike Epps comedy shows I don’t see why every other situation isn’t better while smiling and laughing. The worst thing for a guy like me is to be in a relationship with a woman who doesn’t think I’m funny. Especially when I know I’m funny.

2. Shes a Beyonce Stan

I refuse to date a woman who loves Beyonce beyond reason. Beyonce stans are out there and they are real, son! Look, I get it she can sing pretty okay. And she’s great at acting like a singer in movies, but some women love and defend her like she’s kin. Its mind control son. I can’t date a woman who lets herself be controlled by the Houston-est accent on earth. In fact, I won’t even date a woman if she’s ever un- ironically said the phrase “shoulda put a ring on it.”

Welp, thats it. My only dealbreakers. Simple as can be.




Anorexia – Super-skinny girls just aren’t that attractive to me
Couch potatoes – inactivity is just as bad as being a crackhead in my book
Smokers – nothing is worse than seeing a pretty girl that smells like an ashtray
Marsena has always been active and in good shape. She’s never been too absorbed with herself and always thoughtful of others. These are some of the things that attracted me to her. I’ve never been into girls who are so fine that they can’t relate to or spend time with me.

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