The Age-Old Battle Over the Toilet Seat
Yep, today we’re talking about toilets. Why? Well because, toilets have been the genesis of countless arguments in countless homes where the woman was probably wrong. There, I said it. *exhales* Let’s go.
Every day some woman yells at some man about leaving the toilet seat up. The argument seems to be that women like to back into the bathroom and just sit down blindly. If the seat isn’t down, they run the risk of sitting on the rim of the toilet, which is likely covered in pee spots (we’ll address this later), and falling into the toilet. So the woman’s desire is for the man to walk into the bathroom, lift the seat, do his business, flush, lower the seat AND WASH HIS FREAKIN HANDS. That way she can use the bathroom while blindfolded and without the use of the rocket science required to lower the toilet seat. So the goal is to get the man to do more work so that she doesn’t have to do any work. No, ma’am.
I don’t get it. Why should the man have to exert more effort so that you can
Stevie Wonder Ray Charles it up in the bathroom? God gave you the gift of sight! He gave you two eyes–use them joints. He also gave you two hands, that thou mightest lowereth the toilet seat. I honestly don’t understand. Help me.
Matter of fact, I have the solution. I grew up in a house where the lid to the toilet was always down, so that became habit. Given that the toilet has a lid, I think it should be used. Given that stuff splashes around when a toilet is flushed, I think it should be closed before the toilet is flushed. And given the soundness of that logic, I’m right. In this way the man always puts the seat and the lid down, and the woman always puts the lid down. Also, you no longer run the risk of human waste particles flying around your bathroom and landing on your toothbrush. You’re welcome. Of course women would lose the ability to use the bathroom in pitch blackness, but we, men, are fine with that. It’s a necessary sacrifice.
As for the issue of pee spots on the rim of the toilet, women seem to have this unfounded belief that it happens because men have bad aim. That’s not true. For one, sometimes a man’s aim can be perfect and it just doesn’t matter. Sometimes you aim one way and it goes another. Sometimes it goes two directions at the same time. Second, a lot of those spots are caused by splash. Aim ain’t the issue, ladies. Give your man a break. Don’t engage him in an LDOC just because you want to pee blind. Let him be right, because he is.