The Age-Old Battle Over the Toilet Seat

Yep, today we’re talking about toilets. Why? Well because, toilets have been the genesis of countless arguments in countless homes where the woman was probably wrong. There, I said it. *exhales* Let’s go.

Every day some woman yells at some man about leaving the toilet seat up. The argument seems to be that women like to back into the bathroom and just sit down blindly. If the seat isn’t down, they run the risk of sitting on the rim of the toilet, which is likely covered in pee spots (we’ll address this later), and falling into the toilet. So the woman’s desire is for the man to walk into the bathroom, lift the seat, do his business, flush, lower the seat AND WASH HIS FREAKIN HANDS. That way she can use the bathroom while blindfolded and without the use of the rocket science required to lower the toilet seat. So the goal is to get the man to do more work so that she doesn’t have to do any work. No, ma’am.

I don’t get it. Why should the man have to exert more effort so that you can Stevie Wonder Ray Charles it up in the bathroom? God gave you the gift of sight! He gave you two eyes–use them joints. He also gave you two hands, that thou mightest lowereth the toilet seat. I honestly don’t understand. Help me.

Matter of fact, I have the solution. I grew up in a house where the lid to the toilet was always down, so that became habit. Given that the toilet has a lid, I think it should be used. Given that stuff splashes around when a toilet is flushed, I think it should be closed before the toilet is flushed. And given the soundness of that logic, I’m right. In this way the man always puts the seat and the lid down, and the woman always puts the lid down. Also, you no longer run the risk of human waste particles flying around your bathroom and landing on your toothbrush. You’re welcome. Of course women would lose the ability to use the bathroom in pitch blackness, but we, men, are fine with that. It’s a necessary sacrifice.

As for the issue of pee spots on the rim of the toilet, women seem to have this unfounded belief that it happens because men have bad aim. That’s not true. For one, sometimes a man’s aim can be perfect and it just doesn’t matter. Sometimes you aim one way and it goes another. Sometimes it goes two directions at the same time. Second, a lot of those spots are caused by splash. Aim ain’t the issue, ladies. Give your man a break. Don’t engage him in an LDOC just because you want to pee blind. Let him be right, because he is.

-Erik (@WalkSays)

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Erik Walker

Erik is black.

4 Comments

    • artofbeingblunt
      January 29, 2015

      In response to “The Age-Old Battle Over the Toilet Seat”:

      As the keeper of the household, the chef in the kitchen, and the freak-nasty in your bed, it seems that the need for you (a man) to put the toilet seat down (and, might I add, clean-up the remnants of projectile urine) for me (a woman) is transparent. I believe we can all agree that “under the toilet seat” is a realm in which no one wants to traverse through. There is more than just pee spots, if we are being quite honest, and the brown curlies definitely don’t come from us. At least I hope they don’t. Putting the seat down is akin to taking out the garbage, or killing a spider–sure, a woman CAN do it, but what does it say about the men around her who LET her do it?

      Therefore, with the insurmountable work it takes to be the dainty, care-giving, doting, and loving life partners, sisters, mothers, and sidechicks we can be, the very LEAST you can do is put down the toilet seat. Do you really want your girl to be subjected to such nastiness? Don’t you want to preserve her image, even for your own benefit, as lavendar fresh and clean? I would think any man would.

      This is why you must put the seat down. It’s about honor. Your honor. As a man.
      Stay noble.

      Reply
    • Ruthie
      January 29, 2015

      Yes! Please clean off the rim from the left over drops of pee, and keep me “happy”. And let down that “seat”.

      Reply
    • ruth jeremiah
      January 29, 2015

      Ah the battle that is as old as time, akin to the over or under toilet paper roll debate. kudos to the sister who so colorfully articulated my thoughts on this matter. The absolute least you all can do is place the seat down, it just is.

      Reply

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