The Ubiquity of Racism in Dating

The Sterling saga continues. Yesterday, Donald Sterling, former owner of the Los Angeles Clippers, announced that he intends to sue the NBA for $1 billion. This of course came after the wake of his racist remarks that got him banned from the league in the first.

Although the fate of this man is an interesting topic in and of itself, a larger and deeper issue lies unnoticed. Relationship racism: people in America who are racist when it comes to dating relationships. Fact is, nearly everyone is guilty of being racist in some way, shape, or form. Here’s how:

We all know the definition of racism, right? Racism is defined as the discrimination and prejudice against a person (or persons) based on perceptions of social and/or biological differences between peoples. Racism sometimes takes the form of social actions, practices or beliefs, or political systems that consider different races to be ranked as superior or more favorable than another, based on presumed shared inheritable traits, abilities, or qualities. Racism also may also hold that members of different races should be treated differently.

Many people hold such beliefs when it comes to dating. I’ve heard countless times folks say that they wouldn’t date someone who is black, or white, or outside their own race. This is the true definition of racism. If you treat an entire group of people different than you would another group of people and it is based solely on race, you are a racist. Plain and simple.

Relationship racism is widely accepted across the world for one general reason: no one wants to be a racist, called a racist, or considered a racist. Folks proclaim that it is okay to avoid dating an entire race of people because of their own personal conviction of being racist. They will assert that you can’t be a racist when it comes to dating because they themselves don’t want to be considered a racist. Similar to the common phrase “I’m not racist, I have friends that are black;” many feel that it is okay to discriminate against race of people in terms of relationship just as long as you consider yourself accepting of that race in another way.

This however is false logic. The definition of racism is discriminating against a race of people because of their race. Therefore, if a person states that they refuse to date a black guy, an Asian guy, a Hispanic, because they are black, Asian, or Hispanic, that person is racist.

The same applies for parents who are sad or angry at their children who date someone who is from a certain race, or who is dating outside of their own race. Any parent that does this is racist, by definition. People need to admit that this racist and wrongful thinking.

Now, we all discriminate, let’s not kid ourselves. If you are looking for a recipient for a scholarship award, you will discriminate against individuals with poor grades and low test scores. If you are hiring for a position at your company, you will discriminate against psychopaths and the mentally incapacitated. Discrimination isn’t a bad thing; however discriminating based solely on race is a VERY bad thing.

An alternative way to approach dating and relationships is to discriminate based on cultural differences. If a person does not express the cultural similarities that you desire in a mate, it is okay that you date them without being considered racist. In fact, some cultural norms are more common amongst some races of people than others, it’s just a reality. However, though some races seem to practice a culture difference you are unwilling to adapt to, you should not prejudge an entire race of people to exhibit that trait. Not everyone in any race is the same. Exhibiting the type of prejudice and treating that race of people different from others (by refusing to date them), is actually racism in its purest form.

-Deshawn (@ShonJay714)

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