The uniform for the dude that may steal your grandma’s life savings
You know what I’ve seen too many of lately? Bolo ties. Who’s leading the charge to bring these things back? Why doesn’t the government take action? Why has the Obama Administration neglected to take a firm stance against bolo ties? Questions gotta be answered.
It’s no secret that bolo ties are awful. I mean seriously. Look at this picture to the right and tell me which of the three of these gentlemen looks less likely to try to sell you a used car that doesn’t have any actual engine in it? Which of the three looks least likely to Bernie Madoff you or the ones you love? Zac Effron, of course. If you take the bolo ties away, all become respectable gentlemen. Bruno Mars transforms back into a pop hit crooner, and Macklemore turns back into your white friend’s favorite rapper.
“I think they’re cool,” you may say. “Let people exhibit their own style,” you may say. Well, they aren’t cool. And if a person’s style infringes on my right to not think that a person might rob my moms an ‘nem, then I can’t be for it.
Bolo ties should terrify you. Ladies, if your date comes to pick you up and he’s wearing a bolo tie, you need to take action. Text ya people. Let them know where you are. That way, at least they’ll find your body. Bolo ties ain’t nothing to be playing with. And anyone wearing one should not be trusted. Consider yourself warned.