Trapped Chasing a Relationship Myth

Many people often find it difficult to find a relationship partner.  We all know that 50% of relationships in America end in divorce, and it has been estimated that only 17% of couples that aren’t divorced are happily married (see my article on marriage).  It certainly seems that both men and women struggle to meet someone that they truly feel compatible with, attracted to, and connected with.

But with so many single people in this world, one has to wonder why it is so difficult for folks to find a mate.  One of the chief reasons why some men and women fail to find their soulmate is because they are chasing a Myth.  Men and women are chasing a unicorn (they are essentially chasing a person [or type of person] that does not exist).  Here is how:


Although few are willing to admit it, a successful relationship typically boils down to one thing:  what vice are you able and willing to put up with.  There is no such thing as the perfect person, and especially the perfect guy.  So if you want to be in a relationship, you will have to settle for and put up with something (a vice) that you flat out do not like (if you are a woman and disagree with this is, stop here and re-read; you don’t have a man because you don’t get this point yet).

So, if all successful relationships entail accepting a vice that a man possesses, then which vice do/should women pick?  Women largely want a guy who is tall, attractive, athletic, educated, successful, humble, and charismatic, a leader, a gentleman, and a man of faith.  Fact is, no man possesses all of these qualities.  Some women continue to “wait on their Boaz” to show up, but this perfect man is simply imaginary.  For instance, a man that is educated, successful, tall, athletic, and wealthy is often a jerk, pompous and arrogant, because they know that they can get any woman they want because of these qualities that they possess (so they have no humility).

Because a vice MUST come with the package, women generally decide that the most acceptable vice that they can put up with is douchbaggery (arrogance).  Women make the decision to be with the guy that “has it all” except humility, and accept the fact that he is a jerk as his vice.  Women would rather be with the jerk than a guy who is unattractive, has no swag, isn’t tall, isn’t formally educated, lives with his parents, or whatever other vice that may exist.

Ultimately, the jerk ends up hurting the girl and she ends up broken and alone.  The jerk moves on to other females and the woman remains single and hurt.  A sad reality.


Men are broken down into two categories: the nice guy and the jerk.  It’s easy to explain why the jerk remains single; he essentially is choosing to.

The nice guy however remains single because he too is chasing a myth.  Like most men, the good guy wants an attractive girl.  Most men refuse to accept unattractiveness as the vice to accept in their mate; this is why nice guys remain in constant pursuit of a great beauty.  But because the very attractive female wants the douchebag (and not the nice guy), he too is chasing a myth.  The nice guy is chasing something that does not (or rarely) exists: a very attractive girl who actually wants a nice guy.


Sadly, men and women circularly chase and pursue the wrong virtues and vices in relationship partners which leaves both disappointingly single.  Women choose for their male vice to be arrogance and nice guys choose for their female vice NOT to be unattractiveness.  This effectively leaves both groups continuously searching for a counterpart that is difficult if not impossible to find.

A solution:  well, I’m not sure there is one.  Women would have to decide to date guys that perhaps are not as educated that they would like, not as physically fit, not as debonair, tall, stylish, or wealthy.  Whatever it is, never accept arrogance as a relationship vice; jerks never work out.  Fellas should not focus so much on beauty and more put more emphasis on personality, intelligence, and compatibility.  Both perception are difficult to overcome, but certainly aren’t insurmountable.

-Deshawn (ShonJay714)

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