Waiting on your Boaz? Yeah, let’s talk about that…

 

Since Chris and Deshawn started the week off with references to Boaz (see Chris’s updated repost; Deshawn’s post), I figured I’d continue the trend. Let’s go…

When most women picture Boaz in their minds, I think they picture this statuesque dude with a crisp hair-line (that will never recede), nice teeth, nice job, nice car, nice house, breath that remains minty fresh even if he just consumed a vat of expired Doritos and Funyuns, is the prince of romance, is 6’13”, has 8 college degrees, and is built like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. I think they picture him as this strapping gentleman who came and swooped Ruth off her feet (see the Book of Ruth). In turn, ladies have hope that their very own Boaz is somewhere out there waiting to find her, as is evidenced in the awful, awful music video below.

Ladies, if you are waiting on this version of Boaz, more power to you. I’m not saying he’s not coming, I’m just saying that you need to manage your expectations. Why do I say that? Well, it’s simple. When did you ever read about Boaz being any of those things? When did you ever get the indication that Boaz was the object of all women’s affection? The Bible never said that Boaz was a handsome dude or even that he was desirable. Does it matter? Well, I think the Bible makes it clear that someone was attractive when they were, in fact, attractive. It’s clear that Saul (in the Old Testament) was a tall, handsome dude. It’s clear that Bathsheba and Esther were both fine. It’s clear that David looked like he smelled like sheep crap and struggle. But Boaz? Dude was just available. He was just the single dude looking for a woman, and he found her. Let’s not make him out to be [insert name of some dude all women love].

Manage your expectations, that’s all I’m saying.

Until next time…

-Erik (@WalkSays)

About Author

Erik Walker

Erik is black.

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19 Comments

    • Kimberly
      May 30, 2013

      Absolutely love this! And the video was hilarious by the way lol. I think our fleshly desires continue to take over and we try to mix them with the spiritual desires and that’s when the image of our “Boaz” comes up. We look for the best thing the world has to offer in Jesus’ name lol.

      Reply
      • Miss Pink
        May 30, 2013

        Okay, number one, as an African American Christian woman, this music video is embarrassing. But you couldn’t have said it better, we do tend to mix our fleshly desires with our spiritual ones.

        Also, the problem, like you semi-accurately state, is that EVERYONE (not only women) poorly manages their expectations.

        Reply
        • Kimberly
          May 30, 2013

          I don’t see what being African American has to do with anything. I’m not looking at the people involved in the video but more so laughing at how the topic was displayed. That is how a lot of women in the church react when it comes to the Boaz situation.

    • Lii
      May 30, 2013

      Ok not that this video wasn’t hilariously awful but what’s with the constant “attack” on the Boaz image. Why does everyone (as in ALL the males at thawell, yep i said it lol) assume that if a women talks about meeting her Boaz she is automatically disillusioned and on the “he is perfect in everyway, and fine” high? Seriously, if the Boaz AND Ruth story was included in the Bible, then one can conclude that women AND men are suppossed to learn something from it, no? And seeing how 90% of the story discusses admirable qualities (such as patience and wisdom) of prospective mates, it seems wise to refer to this when waiting or looking for that prospective mate? That being said what’s wrong with praying that he is at least fine TO YOU lol, God says you do not have bc you do not ask, no? Attraction was created by God for a purpose, no?, what better purpose than to bring two people together? and yes there are many forms of attraction, but physical is definitely one of them…you don’t get humilty or super spiritual points because you avoid the need for attraction haha. This video in all its whackness is overall showing a girls need to have a man of good character who treats her like a lady …problem men are finding more and more creative ways and excuses (such as “our day and age”) to not allow women to be women…my question is what does our day and age or anything else have to do with the examples God gives us of the character traits or a good man or woman…on the surface that is exactly what the story of ruth and boaz is about…..whew i think im done, thx for listening lol

      Reply
      • Chris
        May 30, 2013

        I agree with you for the most part. I don’t think Erik is knocking a woman wanting an attractive partner. Shoot, I would much rather my woman is fine, but what I think Erik is saying yall cant be having this long 100 point check list. The same is true for us as well. I had to let go of my aversions to womenz in fur-lined hooded coats, I get it. But not everyone is gonna be tall or accomplished or be able to grow a full beard, but that doesn’t mean to avoid EVERYBODY.

        Another thing I agree with you is that we have allowed our desires to be corrupted by the worlds standards. We should be looking for spouses that Love God with all their heart, soul and strength, but usually that’s like 4th or 5th down the list. The things that we should value, we don’t. Or we do, but not enough.

        Reply
        • lii
          May 31, 2013

          Ahhh thank you sir 😀 , its so nice to have someone in this world agree with me, even if it’s partially, ill take it ! Lol

        • Lii
          May 31, 2013

          Wait one “last” question…looking at this article and others written referring to women having “long lists” for mateability, I have noticed that all of the examples, inlcuding the one you just gave concerns outer qualities such as height, weight, education, beard lol, but the reality is women(especially) will warm up to less than desirable outer traits if the man makes her feel special and treats her like a lady…the unfortunate reality is that women are being asked to shorten their list on the inner traits such as kindess, understanding, patience, caring/loving, self-sacrificing, leadership and just flat out being treated like a lady (seriously men make excuses now for opening the door for you or picking you up for a date, really?)…so my question to you men is WHICH of those inner traits should we kick off the list, are they really negotiable???….this men is what women are being asked to sacrifice , at the end of the day we could care less if you are a little shorter or dress funny if we feel like a queen when we’re WITH you…honestly the whole desire for Boaz thing is really women wanting a guy to come and take a postion, work for us (how else will we feel special lol), take the lead and love you…..the very core desire of a woman is to feel loved, understood and cherished by her guy …y do u constantly think the bible admonishes husbands to do this, bc God knows His design…..that is the WHOLE TRUTH about our desire for Boaz….my perspective 😀

        • Miss Pink
          May 31, 2013

          GET IT GIRL!!! STANDING OVATION!

        • Chris
          May 31, 2013

          Standing ovations are banned around here. We will allow internal reflections, however. Govern yourself accordingly in the future.

        • lii
          May 31, 2013

          Lol. .thx

        • Erik
          May 31, 2013

          Good questions, Lii! Thanks for your input. You bring up a lot of good points that could (and should) be discussed whether through more posts or on a podcast.
          To address your first point, Chris was dead on in his defense of me (thanks, bro). You’re right, there is a lot to be learned from all biblical stories, which is why they are there. From Ruth we can all learn the value of loyalty, patience, honor, obedience, etc. We can all learn that if we remain in the position that God has placed us, He will take care of us. We can learn how God can use some of our deepest pains to bring us our greatest joys. All good things. For this post that wasn’t my angle. I wanted to address the myth that Boaz was the perfect man and that there is a perfect Boaz for every Ruth. It’s not so much that I think ALL women think this way (I could also easily flip this around on men thinking this way), but in my experience, I’ve seen a fair amount of women (and men) ascribe to this thought because they refuse to look deeper into the story.
          Addressing your second question will require a little more time. In short, I’ll say don’t shorten your list when it comes to the way you want to be treated. There are no good reasons to start kicking off inner qualities that you desire. The point that I wanted to make (and I think the rest of the guys here would agree) is that sometimes those inner qualities are never noticed because that long list of outer qualities is in the way. That assessment goes for men and women.

        • lii
          May 31, 2013

          Well thx men for at least hearing me out ….venting was truly needed lol. . ..I think if I have one more CHRISTIAN (yep that’s right) man have an aversion to opening doors, picking me up to go out, or initiating phone calls -otherwise be protective and pursuant bc “its a different day and age, and its not done anymore” (yep this is what’s said) I will scream …I have even been told that biblical marriage roles no longer apply bc its a “different time” I understand it looks slightly different in every home but at the end of the day men are supposed to provide protect pursue and women are supposed to help, care for and nuture the home life ….I would love if u all talk about this and what this “day and age” have anything to do with the the Truth which is the same yesterday , today, and forever. …. anyway I think I will slow down the comments. I’m getting emotional and diverting lol….I may have to just pull out of this dating game all together

        • Erik
          May 31, 2013

          Yeah, I’ve got nothing for the “it’s a different time” argument. It’s evident that things have changed over the years. Women are much more aggressive about going out to find a guy, and men are much more apt to sit back and let her lead. Things have, in fact, changed, but that doesn’t mean that it’s the way it should be. It’s more than clear that men are supposed to be the head of the household. As the head, it should be our job to provide and protect, as you mentioned. This isn’t always practiced, and I’m not sure why.

          Oh… Also, don’t slow down on the comments! We created this blog to be able to discuss things with anybody who would participate. Keep ’em coming.

        • Chris
          May 31, 2013

          Well, you shouldn’t not (yep… double negatives are not not okay here) want those internal “fruit bearing” qualities. Sadly, however, women are, seemingly, more willing to overlook the negative internal qualities in a “bad” guy rather than the less than ideal outward physical qualities (short, cuts own hair or shops for clothes at K&G) of a “good” guy.

        • Ruth
          May 31, 2013

          I’m glad that both perspectives were presented here (women and men). It’s interesting about the whole perfect man thing; in my circle the women have very reasonable lists. It’s the men who have the crazy lists and wonder why they are still single. I think the older and more mature people get, the deeper the lists tend to be.

        • Erik
          May 31, 2013

          Reasonable, huh? Aight… Lol!! j/k

  • The Incredibles

    • ruth
      June 1, 2013

      Yes, reasonable lol,. Well, at least I do. I will admit, I had a crazy list but as I grew older I realized that some of those “requirements” won’t matter in the grand scheme of things.

      Just where exactly did you find this really weird video?

      Reply
      • Erik
        June 1, 2013

        I can’t take the credit for finding this video. Chris found it somewhere some time ago. Blame Chris!

        Reply

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