Why Smart Men Don’t Pay For Dates

In a recent study of men and women conducted by nydailynews, men still pay for most dating expenses even if the couples had been together for a while.  The results also showed that 2 out of 3 men think women should help pay for a date, but do not allow it because most feel guilty or fearful about accepting their money.  Of the 64% wanting to split the bill, 44% said they’d even ditch a love interest who never doled out any dollars.

The reason that the majority of men prefer to go dutch isn’t because men are frugal, stingy, or unromantic.  Dating is, for the lack of a better term, ridiculously expensive.  Courting costs can consume any man’s budget if he isn’t prudent and sensible on how he spends his money.

Consider the following:  David is a young professional who just matriculated graduate school, lives alone in LA, and is newly single.  Because he is new to the corporate world, he comes in at a junior level, and makes just around 50K a year.  His net income therefore would be around $2700 a month.

David meets a girl who he wants to date and potentially pursue a romantic relationship.  After careful deliberation, he decides to take her on a traditional dinner and a movie date.  David’s credit charges reveal the following:

Entrée’s x 2 $34
Drinks with dinner x 2 $12
Tip for dinner $9
Movie tickets x 2 $25
Movie snacks/drink $15
Gas costs $10
Total $105


As you can easily see, the charges for this simple date added up fast.  That’s $105, for one date.  And if you extrapolate this bill out for a normal dating couple (even if it was 1.5 dates a week), that would be $630 a month.  For David, that would be nearly a quarter of his net income each month – more than his car payment, and almost just as much as his rent.

If David were smart, he would avoid paying for most dates.  It is completely impractical and not idealistic to maintain a reputable budget when 25% of your income is devoted to dating.  I know most women find it disquieting when a man asks for her to come over to the crib to watch a movie.  They either think the guy is trying to hook up or that he is a cheapskate.  However, in actuality, it would completely unwise and even idiotic if the guy maintained a steady diet of taking his girlfriend/potential mate out on dates of most kinds on a regular or even semi-regular basis due to these high expenses incurred.

The solution to this problem is by no means easy.  If a guy goes on dates to Applebees for the 2 for 20, he won’t be getting a second.  If he regularly asks the female to come over to his house to chill, she’s gonna think that he’s only after one thing and soon will forsake that relationship.  Contrastly, if the guy takes the woman on dinner dates or out for drinks, his pocketbook will suffer unequivocally.  The best thing for a guyto do is find creative ways of doing fun activities that are free and disguise them as romantic.  Such activities can include going for walks at rose gardens or fancy parks, music in the park events, and cooking a cheap dinner for your date and have the dinner at a fancy overlook somewhere in your city.  Whatever you do, remember to be far-sighted when it comes to spending on her and avoid expensive dating at all costs!! (no pun intended)


-Deshawn (@ShonJay714)

About Author


Journalist and aspiring writer. Contact me at da.advocates@gmail.com


  • Dating on a Budget

    • Sariem
      December 2, 2013

      Yes, dating can get very expensive very quickly but perhaps alternating between spending money and thinking of free, creative dates would show that you’re interested and that your potential mate is worth your time and effort, especially during the first few dates. I don’t think there is a need to “disguise” a free date as romantic because free dates can actually be very romantic without any such disguise. Men just need to be thoughtful about them. Your ideas of walking through a park, free music events, and cooking dinner are on point. And some women won’t mind “chilling” at a guy’s place so long as it doesn’t always involve couch time. Maybe this sounds corny/nerdy but there are also creative indoor activities such as board games or a friendly chess match. Well, at least I wouldn’t mind. At any rate, whether expensive or free, thoughtfulness matters.


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